Yeah Yeah, I would have enjoyed being Dawood Ibrahim’s cousin, being able to use these lines as and when I wanted to but fortunately or unfortunately I am not his cousin. I neither intend to talk about our dear Dawood uncle nor do I intend to brag about myself in this blog, goes without saying “no offense meant” to anyone, I love being alive you know 😉
I, instead, want to discuss about the ability to categorize people as introverts, extroverts or ambiverts and how to deal with them.
Why should you invest your time in reading this? You are good at your job, you make great sales pitch, you have a lovely wife, family but if you do not know how to understand and read people, you will face a lot of difficulties. Personality traits like introversion and extroversion are commonly misunderstood and people often go horribly wrong in understanding them and dealing with them. People either don’t communicate enough or communicate so much that they end up intruding other person’s space and making inappropriate comments. Such small mistakes can be very costly in the longer run.
Though, I must say there are some really smart people out there who will just pick up cues over the phone as well and I am blessed to have friends like those but then there are some people who just don’t understand the concept of body language, facial expressions, voice modulations, what is appropriate or not while interacting.
Introverts:
Who are they?
I am sure a lot of educated people are already aware about the definitions, won’t bore you guys much, if you don’t know please google it. Usual attributes are preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings, take pleasure in solitary activities, hyper aware, great listeners, get overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement.
How do you recognize them?
If someone’s quiet? Not all quiet people are introverts. Humans are complex beings. If someone is quiet it could be because the person is shy (different than introvert), scared, having a bad day, does not like you, has a sore throat, if she is a woman might be PMS’ ing (yes, that’s true!!!) and a lot of other reasons. If you have narrowed down and checked all other reasons why someone would prefer being quiet, you have an introvert there. I usually recognize them from their body language, try throwing around a bunch of general questions to establish baseline and then personal questions in a friendly manner, not like conducting an interview, but don’t go too far and notice their reactions, notice their eyes, posture, hands, legs, an introvert will try to create a barrier, might try to keep a coffee cup or a book in between you and himself, might shift legs away from you, avoid making eye contact, non-verbal cues are the most accurate way of reading people.
How do you deal/communicate with them?
If you have recognized an introvert, think before you speak, you will be surprised by how many people don’t understand the concept of drawing lines and end up alienating the person they are communicating with. I have observed in business meetings, quite often people overstep the safe line when they are communicating the other party, being over friendly to build rapport quickly, that’s not how you deal with introverts. Introverts are not a big fan of small talk, gossips so don’t waste your time there. If they are quiet sitting besides you, don’t feel awkward, they are busy in their own world. The worst you can do is, constantly ask an introvert, what are you thinking? Leave them on their own, they are not sitting there to entertain you or indulge you unnecessarily, don’t push them. And if you are dating an introvert, don’t pull out your hair because s/he is not saying “I love you”, either deduce their feelings from their actions or move on to someone else.
Extroverts:
Who are they?
Extroverts tend to enjoy human interactions and draw energy from them. Usual attributes, enthusiastic, talkative, assertive, gregarious, take pleasure in activities that involve large social gatherings and find less reward in time spent alone, more prone to boredom when they are by themselves. And they are always like that.
How do you recognize them?
Good at communicating “openly”, will tell you if they are pissed, sad, happy etc., go getters, would often see socializing well in party circles. Very open body language, hands and legs in your direction, make eye contact easily. And they are always like that.
How do you deal/communicate with them?
You can very easily ask them personal questions, even if you are a stranger to them. Though remember, they may not be great at keeping secrets so be careful and do not end up answering a lot of personal questions in return 😉 If you are meeting someone for the first time and s/he seems to be an extrovert even then tread carefully, in many cases that could be a temporary façade, there are excellent manipulators out there in the world. One common misconception about extroverts is that “anything goes” with them. I often notice extroverts getting offended by nasty, mean comments. Just because someone is outgoing, relaxed and extrovert sorts that does not mean you have the freedom to just slip through any comment and they would not mind. Remember, extroverts can snap back publicly and insult you unlike introverts who will sleep over it. And if they are taking too much of your time, I am hoping you know the tricks to blow off people.
Ambiverts:
Who are they?
Ambiverts oscillate between the two extremes, sometimes they are the life of the party, and other times they want nothing but solitude.
How do you recognize them?
Very difficult to recognize them if you are meeting for the first time. They would resemble extrovert like attributes initially but after a few hours would typically like to push off home or somewhere where they can be alone, have a quiet time. Though that could mean that the person is physically tired in a lot of cases so be wise and don’t jump to conclusions. They go crazy if they don’t get to interact with anyone for days and on the same lines, dislike over-socializing.
How do you deal/communicate with them?
They are the most unpredictable but emotionally stable lot. Very flexible. You should not need to worry a lot while communicating with them, they are relaxed. Their behavioral pattern would differ from time to time and would differ from person to person. You have to spend time with them, understand their patterns, what do they enjoy etc. If you are being pushy or not communicating enough, they would most probably take the lead and manage the communication. One thing I do observe is there would be some core aspects of an ambivert’s life which s/he would lock inside and avoid talking about with any other soul and you may not even know such feelings/aspects exist. For example: I am an ambivert and I am very secretive sometimes, a lot of people would get surprised because I am quite open and relaxed about everything anything, lol no I don’t have a secret lab where I cut open human bodies if that’s what you are thinking.
Having talked about the categories, keep in mind that the classification is arbitrary. Judging degrees of extraversion is like judging how tall or short a person is. Any judgment of a person’s height depends on how we define short and tall, just as judging one’s level of extraversion depends on how we define introvert, extravert and ambivert.
Hopefully this blog is helpful.
-Devina