No matter how old you become, how rich you become, how successful you become, there will be moments when you will be bullied and insulted by others. It may be done publicly or behind doors, by your boss or your friends, by a wasted stranger or your dominating mother-in-law, but we all get insulted sometimes, let’s accept it.
One has to learn to listen and absorb criticisms in a positive manner or simply shrug them off, if that is the appropriate thing to do. No one is perfect, there is no point in carrying around a trunk of ego on your head, be humble and smile, but at the same time, one needs to have a lot of self-belief and self-confidence to face criticism and still be positive about it.
But the most important point is to know your tolerance levels towards insults/bullying, it is quite similar to knowing your drinking/boozing capacity. It is crucial to stand up for yourself and address your concerns when you are just about to reach your tolerance levels lest it should start harming your self-esteem. Never wait for that threshold to be reached because the results can sometimes be embarrassing in the form of outbursts or you may end up with emotional scars. There is a very fine line between being tolerant and being spineless and meek.
I always tell people, have an aura that ensures people around you, respect you enough not to cross the boundaries, at the same time have a sunny and an open disposition that you can get honest feedback.
But how does one get that aura or decide when to smile and ignore insults, versus when to bark back at the person who is insulting/bullying you consistently? This is a difficult question to be answered, since such things are situational and people dependent.
You have to analyze:
- Who is it coming from?
- Who are all around?
- How do you feel about it?
- Is there any truth in it?
- Have you had enough?
Some of the possible reasons behind constant bullying or insults could be:
- The person loves you and cares for you, wants you to become better;
Strategy: Listen to such people but do approach them politely and tell them when you are hurt, don’t hold back and suppress. For example: my parents do know and understand that they should avoid criticizing me when I am PMS’ing 😛
2. The person hates you for some justified reasons because you may have some bad habits; no one is perfect 🙂
Strategy: Identify such habits, fix them and tell such people to stop insulting you repeatedly.
3. The person is simply sadistic and likes to sting
Strategy: Oooo, I have meet a lot of such people. I pity them. Some common characteristics of such people are that they are overbearing, dominating, insensitive, intimidating, over-assertive and have deep rooted insecurities. DO NOT be meek infront of such people, stand your ground. It is best to stand up to such people during the initial interactions, draw the boundaries if they attempt at insulting you, before it becomes worse. There is nothing wrong in it. I come across a lot of sweet, nice people who keep getting bullied, please do stand up for yourself.
4. The person envies you or is obsessed
Strategy: I have come across such people as well, they will bring your name in every discussion and talk about you, stay away from them, just smile and ignore, you cannot fix such people.
5. The person resents you, you may have disappointed the person
Strategy: Try to figure out what may be the reason, try to fix the reason, apologize, however if you cannot fix the issue then simply move on and cut ties. No one needs negativity in their lives.
6. The person has personal problems going on
Strategy: Try to help them, try to understand the person’s situation and if you cannot, ignore the person. A lot of people come under this category, be sympathetic. Infact, one of the best ways to control your anger when you are being insulted or bullied is to imagine some fake problem the other person may be going through, it makes you sympathetic and changes your mindset.
Though at the end I would like to add one point.
I have grown up, lived and worked with a long list of ‘difficult’ people (and amazing people as well :)) which has taught me to be quite diplomatic but I have learnt one thing, be dynamic and unpredictable, being so keeps others on their toes, keeps them guessing how will you react to a certain situation, be calm and silent sometimes, respond and lash out sometimes so that people think and talk. We are lucky to be born in this era, this is a beautiful but a tough world, be nice but not meek and submissive.
-Devina